Tuesday, October 14, 2008

First Visit With The Dentist

I had my very first visit from the dentist today & Simone said I was such a good boy. Well I kinda had to be didn't I?! Heck if they pull out 3 of my teeth when I'm good, I'm scared to think what might have happened if I hadn't been?!?!

Amanda removed my wiggly baby teeth at the top & my little mutant wolf tooth that was growing out of the side of my gum. See? That just proves I'm special. Not everyone has teeth do that. Hehehe.

I got to keep my other wolf teeth, including the one with no eyes, (Oh no, hang on...the "blind" one. *snort*) 'cause Simone said I don't need a bit in my mouth & won't have one. She's going to be my human forever so I guess I'll never know what it's like to communicate with her through a bit. Just as well I've taught her to be really soft but assertive in the way she asks so I can understand what she wants straight away without a bit.

Talk about shatter a 4 year old's world! Simone said the tooth fairy doesn't visit horses. Probably just as well...we've got no pillows...

The GPO's (Geriatric Paddock Ornaments) had their teeth looked at too. Sunny has the teeth of a 20 year old, which is just as well 'cause he's 27. As for Network...Ha! Ha! Ha! No WONDER it doesn't hurt when he bites me! He HAS got teeth (mostly) but they're very worn out & he really needs a soft food diet to preserve what he has left. As my good deed to old people, I promise to eat Network's share of carrots from now on & tell him how good they are. Ha! Ha! Poor old gummy bear!

So I can now add Amanda Winstanley (dentist) to my very short list of "horse invader" humans I quite like. I think I've found a vet I like too. He even gave me a hug! Just another one to fall for my irresistable charm. *sigh*

Monday, October 13, 2008

Ta! Da! Check me out! "Rider cam!"

I knew Simone could figure it out if I made it easy for her. She put her leg back toward my flank & asked me to move my butt over so she could grab the camera off the fence. She asked pretty nicely so I was happy to help her. Besides, us kids like our techo gear & I reckon rider cam is cool!

I didn't even mind when the flash went off but I thought the old fella next door was going to have a coronary! You should have seen him nearly choke on his dinner & his eyes nearly popped right out of his head!

I told Simone that she really shouldn't give old people frights like that. It's not good for their health. She turned the flash off so it wouldn't scare Sunny anymore 'cause I also told her, the sight of him was enough to give me nightmares & she shouldn't scare kids like that either.

I was a bit disappointed that "rider cam" wasn't going to have flashy lights anymore though. :-(

After all...she was taking pictures of ME!

This is me tidying up after dinner...

Oh & here's the headstand under the fence trick but it's a bit hard to see from the back of my neck!

Simone said we could play games after dinner so I chose charades. Guess who I am?

A movie...one word...I'm with a big green guy & an annoying cat...

Woohoo! I KNEW these ears would come in handy for something; fancy dress & charades!

"Hey Sunny. Look at me! I'm all grown up

& packin' a human!"

Hhhmmm...I know he's old...maybe he's going deaf? Maybe he doesn't understand us kids' modern lingo?

Simone said maybe he was IGNORING me?!

Ha! Ha! Ha! She's such a kidder!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Well, there hasn't been too much excitement in the last few days...

Simone has been busy so has only popped in to feed me & the old boys but I've still enjoyed having her here. I've been doing my best to get extra muddy for her to help all the old hair I'm shedding, stick so that she has something to brush off. I know how much she just LOVES brushing the mud off me!

She's also found that if she feeds us in the yards, I can't keep hassling the old boys for their dinner (poos!) & the yard railing is the perfect height for the old girl to climb aboard. She's taken to sitting on me while I eat my dinner & brushing me from up there. How lazy can you get?!

I don't mind though, I'm working on her confidence by letting her swing her legs around, throw the lead rope around my nose from one side to the other & lie all over me while I mooch around the yard showing her that I'm completely unfazed. I've heard that if I don't make a big deal about it, she won't either & she'll be more settled when I take her for a ride. She's doing really well so far!

I'm hoping to get her out of the yard today & take her for a wander around a small paddock. I think she's a bit herdbound though 'cause she said she doesn't want to do that unless there is another human around. I guess I still have some work to do on her confidence...

I've allowed Simone's son to have a few rides too (nice of me, eh?) but I don't allow him the liberties that I do, her. He's fine as long as he just sits still & doesn't bother me but I don't trust his feet so if he puts them too far back, I've been known to give him a little pig jump as a warning. He needs to know his place & understand that I dont mind the odd "one-off" spin around the paddock but he is NOT my human! I don't mind anything Simone does when she's on my back but then I spoil her something rotten! She could just about get away with murder. Hehehe.

There are still a couple of things that we need to get straight though...I'm a one woman guy & I will NOT tolerate her riding other horses! Old Sunny's conned her into the odd "fling" just for old time's sake & I kick up merry hell, I tell you! I know 4 year olds shouldn't swear but I can still throw a tanty to top a paddock full of 2 year olds! She will learn...

I just need someone to take photos of us together so you can all see how well she's coping. Simone says it's too hard for her to take photos of us when she's on my back. Hhmpf! And I thought humans were smart! I bet I'd figure out a way if I had hands!

Meanwhile, she managed to snap a candid pic of me mid conversation. (I wish she'd given me time to pose!)

I'm getting her back though...LOOK! She's starving me! *Gasp!* These are the lengths I have to go to for a blade or two of grass!

I love to do this when she's sitting on my back too. It really freaks her out when I threaten to drop onto my knees to get a better reach under the rail. Hehehe.

It's got to be good for her confidence when I show her that I can easily balance her & me on three legs while I do a head-stand under the fence. LOL

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

memoirs continued...ahem!

Things were going great! I was almost a year old & was getting really good at my lessons. I learned to stop & move when asked, wear a cover, pick up my feet for the humans & stand tied up to the fence (even though I could SO untie myself! Houdini & MacGyver are my middle names.)

There was one thing that I refused to do though & that was have anything to do with that "vet" person! All he wanted to do was stab sharp things into me & feel in places that no one has any business putting their hands!

I'd heard talk...whispers behind hands between Mum's human & Simone about "balls". They were those round, green, furry things that the dogs chased eh...or so I thought!

Twice I managed to foil the Doc. Just as my mum had hidden me during her pregnancy test, I hid my own "package" out of reach of that vet the first time. The second time, I wasn't so successful so all I could do was let him know that he was entering a no-go zone & no man would come out alive! He decided he'd rather live after I kicked up merry hell. Balls - 1, Vet - 0 Phew!

It was about this time that things began to change rather rapidly for me. Mum's human was a busy career girl herself & thought it was time I left the nest so that Mum could go back to work. She rang Simone & asked her if she'd like me to live with her. Well who wouldn't?! What a privilege!

The downside of that was that apparently Simone had a plan to catch me unaware & let that vet have his wicked way with me. Just when I was beginning to like her too!

All I remember is looking up, "Ooh...carrot! Hi Simone. Hey, whose that guy behind you in the overalls? Hey, WHAT THE...?!" and then everything went all 70's show kaleidoscope & I floated into the next paddock for a wee lie down. Wwweeeeeeeeeee.........

I'm not really sure what happened after that. All I know is I woke up feeling rather groggy & a little breezy under my tail. I'm pretty sure that man in the green overalls had something to do with it. OMG! Little green men! Maybe my balls were abducted by aliens!

Anyway, enough of the traumatic memories...

It was soon forgotten when Simone introduced me to my mates, the Kaimanawas a.k.a. the 3 stooges. Now those guys know how to party!

They're really clever too, just like me. They showed me heaps of new tricks & I showed them a few of mine. They were pretty impressed that a domestic horse could be that smart. Maybe my Dad had some Kaimanawa blood? Every day was a new game of chasey & tag & playfighting. It was SO cool! They weren't wussy like my old friend & they wouldn't let me beat them up. They were master playfighters though. Like Kaimanawa ninjas! Those guys have all the kicks & moves which is amazing 'cause Odie & Xcel are really FAT!! Being the good friend I am, I helped them exercise by chasing them & hitting them on the head with my moonhopper. That got them moving! Hehehe.

Simone introduced me to her "old people" too. Sunny & Network are pretty boring. They never want to play & they're always grumpy with me. Network isn't too bad sometimes. He tells me stories of when he was young & all the mischief he used to get up to. I don't know if I would have liked him when he was young 'cause he used to be really BAD & damage humans. He doesn't like them very much & tells me stories of when he'd throw them off & send them away in the van with the flashy lights & noisey siren to somewhere called horse piddle...doesn't sound like a very nice place, does it?! I don't listen to him though 'cause (apart from the balls incident!) Simone & all the other humans have been pretty easy to train & quite affectionate. I've even taught them all to kiss me on the nose. They're so cute!

Sunny is just like the simple kid only old. So when I want to relive my early childhood memories, I swing on Sunny's tail. Hehehe. I can't drag him though 'cause he's too big & heavy but that big weight is GREAT to swing on! I can get a really good run up & almost get all my feet of the ground. If he wasn't so thick, I'd be able to get him to stand on the side of the hill so I could get airborne but he's too dumb to get what I want...either that or he's just ignoring me...he doesn't enjoy tail swinging like I do. In fact the big telltale told Simone that I was picking on him (boohoo!) & she cut his tail shorter so he could kick me. Doesn't bother me though, I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie & love extreme sports. All that ninja training with the Kais comes in real handy when you have size 9 Clydesdales feet flying towards your head! I'm getting a bit big for those games now so I don't play quite so often. I think Sunny is quite glad!

I can't believe how quickly time has rushed by! I grew up really fast & got better & better at doing all the stuff that Simone asked me to do. She had me doing all sorts of things & made my lessons really interesting. She's a bit weird though! I've talked to other horses & none of their humans do all the strange things that she does. Those other horses didn't even know what a hoola hoop was & they reckoned they were pretty scared of umbrellas. How do they keep their ears dry when it rains? It's quite cool having a human with a bit of personality though, as long as I keep her in line.

It wasn't long before I'd found fame & fortune modelling for a magazine. Who would have thought that I would beat the beauties out for that job eh? As it turned out, brains were required for this role as I needed to demostrate all sorts of different things. Some was more stunt work, working with explosives & stuff...well o.k...party poppers...but those streamers are pretty unpredictable! I, of course, handled everything like the true professional I am.

So now I'm FOUR! Me & the old boys have just moved to a new home for a little while until Simone finds us somewhere where we can ALL live together, including her. It'll be quite cool to be able to look into the window & see my human standing there, doing her thing. You miss so much of their behaviour when you only see them for a little while each day.

I'm getting into all sorts of cool stuff now so I'll have to get my human to take some more photos for you. I'll do my best to provide some good action shots. The dentist is coming next week. I bet she'll be just like the vet (who Simone says is coming too) so that should give us some good photos. Hehehe.

I need apples! Simone says, "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" & that apples are good for cleaning your teeth after meals. She doesn't give me one EVERY day though! If I'm going to avoid the Doc & the dentist person, I'm going to need your help! Please send apples to...oh damn, here she comes!!

An Introduction

Hi, I'm 'Just by Chance' but you can call me Chance for short.

I just turned four years old a few days ago on the 3rd of October so now I'm allowed to use the computer.

I have my own human called Simone. She's my personal trainer, that's how I met her. It was love at first sight (for her anyway!) Simone says I'm a real character and she sometimes says I'm a few other things too but a four year old can't repeat those words!

Anyway...here's a wee catch up on my life so far.

I was born to the lovely Cindy on the 3rd of October, 2004. I was rather a surprise for my mum's human apparently!

My mum was supposed to be a career woman but like so many young girls these days, she got involved with the boy next door, shacked up with him for a few months & before she (or anyone else) knew it, she was "in the family way".

Mum was a bit naughty 'cause she said nothing about it to anyone, even when she was advertised & accepted for a new job with a lady in South Auckland. It wasn't long before her new human started to notice changes to her figure & acting on her suspicions, she got the Doctor out for a pregnancy test. Good ol' mum! She some how managed to fake the test & I stayed hidden for awhile longer.

Her human wasn't very happy with mum's weight gain though so the Doc suggested she increase mum's exercise regime & put her on a strict diet. Nothing was helping though...I was growing & mum was rapidly e-x-p-a-n-d-i-n-g!

Mum's human was at her wit's end! Maybe there was something terribly wrong that was causing this inexplicable weight gain? So the Doc was called again & guess what? PEEKABOO! There I was, getting myself organised for my big journey out into the world; cute face? Check! four legs? Check! big ears? (Big ears?? Damn!) Check! socks...Check!

Well! Mum was living in a "family" community (Pony Club) & they didn't approve of single mothers there so, only a couple of weeks before I was due, she was bundled off to have me at a "more appropriate" place. It's apparently a place where HEAPS of single mothers go to have their kids but the "official" story was that she'd gone to a health retreat to detox for a few months. Mum doesn't really like to talk about it too much & she NEVER mentions my Dad. I don't really know who he was but I heard that he was a good looking coloured guy.

So anyway...I arrived...just by chance!

Mum's human hadn't been very happy when she found out mum was up the duff but who could possibly resist me eh? Hehehe.

I was pretty well behaved around my human for awhile but the bigger I got, the more confident I got & the more I wanted to PLAY!

There was another single mum who came to live with us & she had a little boy who was only a month or two older than me. Only he wasn't really that little...he was HUGE! He wasn't nearly as clever as me though & was a real mummy's boy so he was easy for me to play tricks on & beat up, um...I mean, play fight with. Mum said I was a bully & I shouldn't pick on the simple kid but I told her that he LIKES it when I drag him around backwards by his tail. True!

I did a deal with the calves to chew my tail off so he couldn't reach it. Not that he'd dare even try! Ha! Ha! Yeah, me & the calves were pretty tight.

As I got bigger, I got cheekier so mum's human decided it was time for me to start pre-school so she got me & my buddy our very own "early childhood educator" to hone my many talents & make the dumb kid smarter & less of a wuss.

Mum said that you can't have beauty & brains & that the other boy is a very handsome young man. I said, "but I'm really clever!" Mum said, "I know dear..." Hhmmpf! I thought all mums thought their kids were gorgeous!

I didn't see what was so special about the other kid anyway. He can't even change colour! Where as, I am constantly changing my 'look' to suit the seasons. He's got no fashion sense! Nerd!

Anyway, our educator (Simone) turned up & she was a bit bossy at first, I must say! I tried ignoring her & she flicked a plastic bag on a stick at me. How rude! I decided I'd better get on her good side & I like learning anyway so within minutes, I had her wrapped around my little hooves just by doing everything she asked me to. No one is immune to my charm. Mmwwhhaahaahaa!

I actually kind of liked her 'cause she was smart enough to recognise that I'm a 'gifted' child, right from the start. Honestly, you don't need to be a genius to wear a halter & follow a human around but apparently, I learned this faster than anyone else. I'm not surprised...man humans are easy to impress!
I overheard Simone & mum's human talking about me one day & discussing how I was escaping to play with a couple of girls that lived next door. Theye were SO stupid! Neither of them could figure out how I did it so I had to show them.

There was a gap in the corner of the paddock between the strainer post that the gate was hung on & the other fence that had a hotwire on it. It was easy peasy! I just walked up to the gap & carefully manouvred around the gate gudgeons, while being careful not to touch that hotwire & VOILA! I was through.

Mum's human went a very pale colour & put her hands up to her mouth while Simone laughed at me. (Man that woman's rude sometimes!) Mum's human reckoned I would rip myself to shreds on those gudgeons if I kept doing that but Simone reckoned that I was too clever to do that & that I'd obviously practised lots. How does she know that stuff?

I think it was at that moment that I decided I'd quite like to have Simone as my human. She says that was the moment for her too. Aaawww...
I was really pleased that the humans were taking an interest in my talents so I decided to show them a few more wee gems in my repertoire such as grabbing my mentally challenged friend's tail & dragging him around backwards. If I got him moving fast enough, he couldn't kick me but it meant I had to really pull HARD to get him going. Hehehe...aah...those were the days.

I also played chicken with the wussy kid's mum. She was one scary mother! Everyone I knew was terrified of her & said it was like she had permament PMS. I have no idea what that means but it sounds bad & she was certainly that. I used to LOVE teasing her though! Simone said it was the horse equivalent of a human "eat & run" in a restaurant where they steal a meal & then leg it before they're caught. Yep, that's pretty much what I did only I called it the "dodge & drink". I'd dive in there & get a free lunch off the grouchy mare while she was swearing & yelling & threatening to kill me. Most the time, as long as I kept my face away from her back feet, I could get away with it without even moving my feet but every now & then, I'd have to beat a very hasty retreat 'cause she'd be so mad, she'd actually chase me. Ha! Ha!

Well, I should probably go for now & continue my memoirs tomorrow. Simone will be here with dinner shortly so I'll have to have a bath (mud bath, that is) & get ready for my massage. She just LOVES to brush off mud & will do it everyday if I let her; humans are so weird.