Tuesday, October 7, 2008

An Introduction

Hi, I'm 'Just by Chance' but you can call me Chance for short.

I just turned four years old a few days ago on the 3rd of October so now I'm allowed to use the computer.

I have my own human called Simone. She's my personal trainer, that's how I met her. It was love at first sight (for her anyway!) Simone says I'm a real character and she sometimes says I'm a few other things too but a four year old can't repeat those words!

Anyway...here's a wee catch up on my life so far.

I was born to the lovely Cindy on the 3rd of October, 2004. I was rather a surprise for my mum's human apparently!

My mum was supposed to be a career woman but like so many young girls these days, she got involved with the boy next door, shacked up with him for a few months & before she (or anyone else) knew it, she was "in the family way".

Mum was a bit naughty 'cause she said nothing about it to anyone, even when she was advertised & accepted for a new job with a lady in South Auckland. It wasn't long before her new human started to notice changes to her figure & acting on her suspicions, she got the Doctor out for a pregnancy test. Good ol' mum! She some how managed to fake the test & I stayed hidden for awhile longer.

Her human wasn't very happy with mum's weight gain though so the Doc suggested she increase mum's exercise regime & put her on a strict diet. Nothing was helping though...I was growing & mum was rapidly e-x-p-a-n-d-i-n-g!

Mum's human was at her wit's end! Maybe there was something terribly wrong that was causing this inexplicable weight gain? So the Doc was called again & guess what? PEEKABOO! There I was, getting myself organised for my big journey out into the world; cute face? Check! four legs? Check! big ears? (Big ears?? Damn!) Check! socks...Check!

Well! Mum was living in a "family" community (Pony Club) & they didn't approve of single mothers there so, only a couple of weeks before I was due, she was bundled off to have me at a "more appropriate" place. It's apparently a place where HEAPS of single mothers go to have their kids but the "official" story was that she'd gone to a health retreat to detox for a few months. Mum doesn't really like to talk about it too much & she NEVER mentions my Dad. I don't really know who he was but I heard that he was a good looking coloured guy.

So anyway...I arrived...just by chance!

Mum's human hadn't been very happy when she found out mum was up the duff but who could possibly resist me eh? Hehehe.

I was pretty well behaved around my human for awhile but the bigger I got, the more confident I got & the more I wanted to PLAY!

There was another single mum who came to live with us & she had a little boy who was only a month or two older than me. Only he wasn't really that little...he was HUGE! He wasn't nearly as clever as me though & was a real mummy's boy so he was easy for me to play tricks on & beat up, um...I mean, play fight with. Mum said I was a bully & I shouldn't pick on the simple kid but I told her that he LIKES it when I drag him around backwards by his tail. True!

I did a deal with the calves to chew my tail off so he couldn't reach it. Not that he'd dare even try! Ha! Ha! Yeah, me & the calves were pretty tight.

As I got bigger, I got cheekier so mum's human decided it was time for me to start pre-school so she got me & my buddy our very own "early childhood educator" to hone my many talents & make the dumb kid smarter & less of a wuss.

Mum said that you can't have beauty & brains & that the other boy is a very handsome young man. I said, "but I'm really clever!" Mum said, "I know dear..." Hhmmpf! I thought all mums thought their kids were gorgeous!

I didn't see what was so special about the other kid anyway. He can't even change colour! Where as, I am constantly changing my 'look' to suit the seasons. He's got no fashion sense! Nerd!

Anyway, our educator (Simone) turned up & she was a bit bossy at first, I must say! I tried ignoring her & she flicked a plastic bag on a stick at me. How rude! I decided I'd better get on her good side & I like learning anyway so within minutes, I had her wrapped around my little hooves just by doing everything she asked me to. No one is immune to my charm. Mmwwhhaahaahaa!

I actually kind of liked her 'cause she was smart enough to recognise that I'm a 'gifted' child, right from the start. Honestly, you don't need to be a genius to wear a halter & follow a human around but apparently, I learned this faster than anyone else. I'm not surprised...man humans are easy to impress!
I overheard Simone & mum's human talking about me one day & discussing how I was escaping to play with a couple of girls that lived next door. Theye were SO stupid! Neither of them could figure out how I did it so I had to show them.

There was a gap in the corner of the paddock between the strainer post that the gate was hung on & the other fence that had a hotwire on it. It was easy peasy! I just walked up to the gap & carefully manouvred around the gate gudgeons, while being careful not to touch that hotwire & VOILA! I was through.

Mum's human went a very pale colour & put her hands up to her mouth while Simone laughed at me. (Man that woman's rude sometimes!) Mum's human reckoned I would rip myself to shreds on those gudgeons if I kept doing that but Simone reckoned that I was too clever to do that & that I'd obviously practised lots. How does she know that stuff?

I think it was at that moment that I decided I'd quite like to have Simone as my human. She says that was the moment for her too. Aaawww...
I was really pleased that the humans were taking an interest in my talents so I decided to show them a few more wee gems in my repertoire such as grabbing my mentally challenged friend's tail & dragging him around backwards. If I got him moving fast enough, he couldn't kick me but it meant I had to really pull HARD to get him going. Hehehe...aah...those were the days.

I also played chicken with the wussy kid's mum. She was one scary mother! Everyone I knew was terrified of her & said it was like she had permament PMS. I have no idea what that means but it sounds bad & she was certainly that. I used to LOVE teasing her though! Simone said it was the horse equivalent of a human "eat & run" in a restaurant where they steal a meal & then leg it before they're caught. Yep, that's pretty much what I did only I called it the "dodge & drink". I'd dive in there & get a free lunch off the grouchy mare while she was swearing & yelling & threatening to kill me. Most the time, as long as I kept my face away from her back feet, I could get away with it without even moving my feet but every now & then, I'd have to beat a very hasty retreat 'cause she'd be so mad, she'd actually chase me. Ha! Ha!

Well, I should probably go for now & continue my memoirs tomorrow. Simone will be here with dinner shortly so I'll have to have a bath (mud bath, that is) & get ready for my massage. She just LOVES to brush off mud & will do it everyday if I let her; humans are so weird.

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